Retreat: Gaining Perspective to Move Forward

Retreat. What do you think of when you hear the word? I suspect that different people have different images and ideas. Some military minds may have a negative reaction to the concept of retreat, feeling it encompasses the ideas of giving up or conceding. Other military minds may have studied the tactical advantages of retreat as a way of consolidating resources or gaining an advantage at a different time or place. The spiritual minded person may hold the idea of retreat as one of leaving the daily grind of the world for a time in order to go inward to make or grow a sense of spiritual connection and personal growth. And in some businesses, the idea of retreat may mean taking the business team off to a resort for rest and relaxation, but also for morale and team building.

Do these common notions of “retreat” share a mutual theme? In all of these versions of retreat, the
motif seems to be that of stepping away to gain balance, knowledge and growth. The natural cycles of plants and animals exhibit this, retreating in fall and winter only to emerge from their withdrawal in the spring, rejuvenated and full of new energy and growth. We can learn much from these natural cycles, and create times of retreat for ourselves aimed toward new growth, new ideas, and renewed
energy.

Retreat can be anything from an elaborate and structured time away from the cycle or routine of
work and daily life to an hour at the beach to reflect, and anything on the spectrum between these. Retreat provides the opportunity for reflection and perspective. It gives space to creatively consider and reshape how our priorities and goals align with our values and ethics. Paradoxically, retreat can provide the insight and momentum to advance with renewed focus and power.

All of that is a great rationale for taking some time away, and if you simply take a "vacation" to just get away from the daily grind, that can be very useful. But I think you can see that what I'm suggesting here as retreat involves something a bit more than a weekend getaway to the mountains, as appealing as that is! What I'm suggesting is that the spirit of retreat involves something more intentional, in growth of mind, body and/or spirit.

All I can speak to is my own experience. I have taken solitary and intentional retreats at several times in my life, most of which have been, unsurprisingly, at or before major transitions or transformations in my life. What these retreats have had in common is that they allowed me space and time to consider life and my life as a whole, and to notice the context of my life, goals and plans. Meditation has been a key part of this time, being able to notice and explore my own mind, my thoughts and beliefs, and to be able to make choices about the direction of my priorities and goals, and to evaluate how aligned these have been with my values.

An important stance in retreat is that of openness; openness to learning about oneself, and openness to changing those things which are not useful in fulfilling one's own values and goals. One retreat took me on a path to making a career change after over two decades as a successful Software Analyst, Developer, and Project Manager. Another sent me down the path of opening The Bindu Institute as a means to fulfilling my values of service and healing. In practicing retreat, I have learned to listen more carefully and more often to my "inner wisdom."

Motivation and Priorities: I Don't Have Time

"I really need to lose weight and get in shape. I should get some regular exercise in but I don't have time. I should cook more healthy meals, but I don't have time."

Time management and organization can be a real key

Does this sound like you? I get it. Finding time for self-care can be difficult with busy schedules, needing to work and bend to the demands of a job and/or an employer. Even if you're self-employed, the pressure to get things done can feel overwhelming. "I don't have time" is also a rationale that many people will empathize and sympathize with, and it's often the ticket to get a pass from others to
delay or put off self-care without seeming like you're not focused on self-care.

So, why don’t we do the things that we really (believe and say) we need to do to become healthier and happier in body, mind and spirit? We begin exploring this self-sabotaging by looking at the following three issues that impact what we do: Motivation, Priorities, Time Management and Organization.
 

Motivation is the driving force behind doing anything. That driving force can be strong enough to move us to action (e.g., dodging a ball thrown at us) or it can be weak and not compelling enough to make us do something (e.g., not making a dental appointment). Motivators can also be positive, such as anticipating the taste and feeling of eating ice cream; or negative, such as anticipating the feeling of being hit by a car if you don’t get across the street quickly enough. And motivation can come from within (internal motivation) or from outside ourselves (external). Feeling motivated can change over time as our emotions and perceptions change. In fact, our emotions and perceptions are large factors in motivations. When trying to develop, maintain, or enhance motivation, it helps to take an honest look at what is driving or inhibiting you from accomplishing your goal. 

Priorities, simply put, are the things that are important to us. The more important it is to us to reach a goal, the more motivated we are to actually do something about it. If someone asks us what our priorities are, usually most people have little difficulty talking about what’s important to them, and what goals they have. But in reality, our priorities show up more profoundly not in what we say, but in what we actually do. When we say “I don’t have time,” there are two possibilities: we actually do not have the time, or it really isn’t a priority. In either case, there is something we can do. If we are having difficulty finding time for things important to us, then we need to look at how we are managing time and organizing our life. On the other hand, if what we need to do is not a priority, we may need to look at developing and enhancing our motivation to accomplish the goal. 

Time Management & Organization can be a real key for some people to break through and begin accomplishing things they have been wanting and needing to accomplish. When “I don’t have time” really translates to “I don’t manage my time well enough to …” then the first task in accomplishing goals will be to develop and practice new time management and organization skills. The first thing to do is to do a “time audit.” Now, there are many formal ways to do this, including paying someone to help; but my suggestion is to just start being mindful where you are spending time, but unless you have a photographic memory, you will have to keep some type of log to know where you are spending your time. It may also be useful to begin to notice patterns in when you are most efficient throughout the day or week. The information you collect here will help with the next stage of making time management and organization changes. Next, look where you have time available, and what you may want to stop spending your time doing (e.g., activities that don’t promote reaching and fulfilling goals and activities that actually make goals more difficult for you to reach). Then, schedule time for working on your priorities, including self-care and other activities that will increase your ability to reach other important goal. For example, if your goal is to practice meditation, then put your meditation time on your schedule. If your goal is to read, then set aside time that you specifically dedicate to reading.

I think most of us have used the “I don’t have time” rationale for not working on self-care and other goals. Making changes can be difficult and working on new goals takes us into new areas that can be out of our comfort zone. But if the goal is really important, to your mental health, physical health, or spiritual health, then it really may not be that “I don’t have time” for self-care; the truth may be that “I don’t have time” to not do self-care activities!

What Do You Have in Mind?

"What do you have in mind?"  This question could be the beginning of a shift in perspective with the potential to transform your life.  What DO you have in mind?  I mean IN your mind. What thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and self-talk dominates and repeats? And does it even matter what you have "in mind?"

Let's start with why it may make a great deal of difference what you have in mind. Did you know that with every thought, your brain releases brain chemicals? In the article Happy Brain, Happy Life, Susan Reynolds notes that "Your frontal lobe, particularly your PFC [pre-frontal cortex], decides what is important according to the amount of attention you pay to something and how you feel about it. Thus, the more you focus on negativity, the more synapses and neurons your brain will create that support your negative thought process. Of course, it also follows that the more you focus on positive thoughts, the stronger the neural paths to support positive thinking.

The implication is that you have the power to train your brain by choosing what thoughts, ideas, and beliefs you allow to dominate your awareness and attention. The process of training this awareness goes by many names. In many eastern traditions meditation includes the process of training awareness and attention of the mind. Currently in the west, mindfulness is becoming the buzzword for this type of awareness. Why so much focus on awareness of thoughts, ideas, and beliefs? Because in order to change a habit pattern, even the habit of thinking, you must first be aware of the pattern, notice it, before a different choice can be made. It really is possible to become aware of the character of your thoughts and make a conscious decision to change your focus of thought, which in turn can change your brain and set a new (hopefully more useful) pattern of thinking.

I’ll give an example which may initially seem off topic here. Some years ago, while searching for a new vehicle to purchase, I came upon a model that I did not recall seeing many of on the road.  While not the reason for buying that model, it seemed unique to me added to the list of reasons I bought it. Within a few days of driving it, however, I began to see literally dozens of the same make, model, and even color of the vehicle I had assumed was unique. My experience was an example of the Baader-Meinhof effect (also known as the frequency illusion), the phenomenon in which people who just learn or notice something start seeing it everywhere. In fact, the frequency of seeing that particular vehicle make, model and color had not changed from prior to my purchased. What had changed was what my mind was primed to notice. This effect plays a role in the so-called Law of Attraction, which posits that what one focuses one's attention on, one will receive in kind. Being able to train your mind on the positive in present moment experiences that you probably overlooked if you were in the habit of focusing on the negative narrative of experience. Life begins to take on a feel of optimism and positive opportunities are less likely to be missed. It is really about opening up to the full range of experience and possibilities.

It is really about opening up to the full
range of experience and possibilities

So how does this feel in practice? A rose-colored glasses approach where you ignore what you don't like is definitely not what I'm talking about. Ignoring the rattlesnake in your path will not help in any way!  

Your brain is hard-wired to notice threats for a purpose, that is, survival. But in modern times, we have generalized this survival skill into areas that are not always useful, such as road rage, and with the glut of sensationalism in media, advertising and social media permeating our experience, we often notice less of our lives in the present moment, and miss opportunities due to skepticism and a generalized lack of trust.

Changing your thought and attention habits is a process, and will take work, patience and time.  Here are some ways you can begin:

1. Begin with a simple exercise. Pick a time near the end of each day to take 15 minutes to think back over your day. List at least three positive things that happened during the day. Add to the list every evening. This begins the process of showing your mind how to focus on the positive. After this becomes routine, move on to step 2.

2. Notice something positive in someone else and give them kudos for it. This exercise begins to train your attention on the positive in the present moment. After this becomes routine, move on to step 3.

3. Notice bodily sensations and emotions. Setting the intention, and practicing awareness of the senses and emotions can alert and ground you to your present experience. If the sensations and emotions are those of anxiety, or feeling threatened, take a moment to take in some slow, deep breaths and re-evaluate. If the feeling of threat is more imagined than real (much of the time this is the case for me) then remind yourself that you are safe. If the sensations and emotions reflect positive experience, take a few slow, deep breaths and allow the experience to sink in. This exercise enables your mind to redirect from useless states of anxiety, and to revel in the experience of the present moment.

What you allow to stay in mind can have a profound effect on your experience of life. Being mindful of thoughts, emotions, and sensations is the beginning of making positive changes. Being open to the possibilities present in all of our experience in the present moment allows us to evaluate what thoughts are worth keeping in mind, and what thoughts to evict.

Finding Balance

In the Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta, the first teaching that the Buddha delivered after his awakening, he describes the concept of The Middle Way, or the practice of avoiding extremes.

The extremes are the path of self-indulgence at one end of the spectrum, and the path of self-mortification at the other end.  Self-indulgence includes the addiction to sense-pleasures. Self-mortification includes addiction to feelings of pain and unworthiness.  Also known as The Noble Eightfold path, The Middle Way countenances right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration.

It has become difficult in our modern, fast-paced world, with instant communication, media sensationalism, and social pressures urging us to the extremes, to find and maintain a path of balance.  Cultural pressures impel us toward extreme archetypes of human beauty and success: the thin but busty woman, the man with six-pack abs, the ever advancing and upwardly mobile career, and endlessly increasing earning power, to name just a few.  How then can we find The Middle Way in the midst of these societal demands?

First, we must slow down and become aware of the forces driving us to these extremes. We must learn to recognize when these forces play to our lower ignoble impulses rather that to our higher noble values.  Cultivating the skill to do this in the present moment allows us to make different decisions, to make choices that will manifest our higher self.  And then we must nurture the habit of being proactive in creating opportunities for expressing our higher self rather than doing so only in reaction to what happens.  In these ways, we can take control of balancing our lives along The Middle Way.

Welcome to The Point

Welcome to The Point, the blog of The Bindu Institute.  You can read my introduction to The Point the About section to the right.  We at The Bindu Institute have the intention to make The Point blog a source of helpful information and inspiration to balance all aspects of life: mind, body and spirit.  Our associates will be posting as they become inspired, and we hope you get to know us a little better through this blog!